Time seem to have slowed down just for me and him. It’s been nearly two short weeks since we’ve made the big move and started this incredible journey. We started off 2014 in a new place. A place, I now, can call home for an indefinite amount of time. This still feel very much like a dream right now. I’m just waiting for someone to come pinch me and wake me up from this wonderful place. I can’t describe the amount of joy I have to go to bed with him by my side each night and waking up in the comfort of his arm every morning.
I, especially, love the mornings when he doesn’t have to go in to work. We would lay there in the wee hours of the morning when the whole town is still quiet, me wrapped against his chest, with our legs tangled in each others’ warmth. All I would wish for is to be frozen in that moment forever.
Everything seems almost perfect. Yet, I still have this slight tinge of sadness that things have yet to be back to how they used to be. The way he looks at me, the things he says, the way he embraces me. They’re just not how I used to remember them and I don’t know what more I can do to make it better.
“It’s that time and that place and that song, and you remember what it was like when you were in that place. And then you listen to that song, and you know you’re not in that place anymore, and it makes you feel hollow. You can’t just go find that stuff again.”
Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.
—Angela in My So-Called Life (via larmoyante)
Too often do I forget how therapeutic and calming it is to listen to classical music and write down my thoughts…
We are packing up our stuff and making the drive in 4 short days. I still can’t believe that I’m doing this! A large part of me is incredibly excited, but a small part of me has this gut wrenching feeling that I would like to call fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of unpredictability. Fear of failure and finding that I don’t have the strength to get back up. Fear of disappointing those around me. Fear of realizing that the distance will weaken my friendships. Fear that my family will grow distant. Fear that this will change my relationship with him. Ahhh! I’m so overwhelmed right now.
I have so much to do with so little time left.
It still hasn’t sunk in yet…I can hardly believe that in only three short weeks, I will be starting a BRAND new chapter of my life. One that is foreign to me and unpredictable. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me.
San Diego, here I come. :)
There are no words to describe my anticipation and excitement at this moment. It hasn’t really sunk in yet. I’m not allowing it to. One of my fears right now is that I will get myself overly excited and have too much hopes for something that isn’t even confirmed yet. But, my heart can’t help but get enthused by the fleeting thought of it.
In a few months, or a few weeks, or even a few days, I will find out if I can begin a new chapter in my life. One that I have been waiting for all of my life. And, no, it’s not marriage quite yet. It is one that will put me so far out of my comfort zone that it will satisfy my hunger for challenges and personal development.
Oddly enough, I expect struggles and hardship out of this but the thought provokes me even more. Maybe it’s the impact that I’m hoping to receive. The relationships that I will create along the way. The stories that I will hear. One thing I do know for sure, is that I am more than blessed to be able to share this experience with my best friend and soul mate. I wouldn’t have it any other way or anybody else. No matter where I go and how lost I get, as long as he’s by my side, I will always be home.
My fear is not that we will face hardship and struggles, nor the uncertainty. My fear is that it will not happen at all.